Often, parents think their kids cannot understand a lengthy explanation, that’s why they settle on two-word answers. They are sometimes unaware that it is how they respond that children learn about how this world works. Their brain can take in more than we realize, and if we do not make an effort to elaborate a simple NO, they will end up concluding on their own.
5 Things Parents Say That Needs More Explanation Than They Think:
- You’re Not Allowed
According to Kara Tamanini, M.S., LMHC, “Allow your child to be involved in setting up the behavior plan but don’t let yourself be manipulated. Make sure you are firm and clear regarding the behaviors you want to see started and stopped.” If your child asks for ice cream, don’t just say NO. Explain why he is not allowed to do so because in a child’s mind, eating ice cream is eating ice cream, and telling him no is just hurtful. What are the reasons he is not allowed to have one? It may be almost dinner time, they had too much for the day, or it may trigger a toothache if they’re suffering from it.
- Go To Your Room
Let your child know why you are sending him to his room. Let him realize if he has done something wrong that he deserves to be punished or sent away. Maybe there is an adult matter that needs to be discussed, and children should learn not to mingle when adults are talking. “If you master a few core principles for setting rules like a boss, your teen will be a lot easier to manage.” Linda Esposito, LCSW said.
- I’m Busy
Parents always say “I love you” to their kids, but what does that mean? You have to explain that there is no limit to how much you do love them, but there are important matters that need your attention too. It doesn’t mean you care less. It just signifies you are making an extra effort to give them a comfortable life.
- Give It To Your Sister
When your youngest gives a tantrum, you ask the older siblings to hand over what he wants, or you scold them for something you are not sure is their fault.
For instance, your youngest child is crying because he wants his brother’s toy, but the older brother wouldn’t give it because it’s his and he’s still playing with it. Don’t just yell “Give it to him!” just to stop the commotion. Instead, talk to the older sibling and explain why he needs extra patience and understanding for his younger sibling, and you should also talk to your youngest and teach him to ask nicely.
Children do what they love, and when you tell them to stop, sometimes, they don’t get it. For example, they are having a good time laughing and wrestling with each other. The noise is too loud, and they are starting to be a bit more violent than they should be. Don’t just yell “Stop!” Tell them why they need to do so like, “You might hurt each other.” Sometimes, they wouldn’t get why they need to stop having fun.
Carrie Sheppard, LMHC said, “There are no road maps for raising some children. If you have a son or a daughter with autism or another challenging developmental disorder, you already know that many of the usual rules don’t apply.” Children have a fragile mind, and they need guidance from their parents on how to see things (read further here: https://www.familyhype.com/children/childrens-products/toys/for-girls/what-are-the-best-toys-for-9-year-old-girls.html). Letting them learn on their own is good parenting, but make sure that you are always around and aware not just to allow them to accept everything on their own. You need to know if they are making things right in every situation.
As a parent, your children’s emotional and mental health is your responsibility. If this is too much to figure out on your own (sometimes it is), you can always opt for professional help on how to handle the emotions of your kids. Family counseling aims to address family issues including parenting.