Have you ever thought about how different your life would be if your parents did everything in another way? Have you ever considered some of their decisions inappropriate given in any situation? Have you thought about their options back then that was supposed to change everyone’s lives? The answers to these questions can link you back to childhood. Childhood is your life’s most crucial phase. It is where your experiences mold you to face everything in your life. That includes your responsibility to your children (if you plan to have kids or already have one).
It is essential to note that everything you do regarding parenting comes from your own experience as a child. That explains why you tend to pass on life lessons from your parents to your kids. Basically, that is the cycle of life. However, there are instances that your childhood is not typically helpful in future parenting. Perhaps there are some things you experienced in life that is not worth sharing for. There could be some incidents that limit you to do the right thing. Honestly, you have your reasons. But for the sake of the family relationship and mental health discussion, let’s talk about that.
Abuse During Childhood
Any type of abuse during childhood is detrimental to anyone’s mental and emotional health. If you are one of those who experience some of it during your younger days, there is a tendency that the way you perceive things can be unconstructive. As a result of child abuse, you begin to compare their achievements to yours. In some instances, you become so damaged that you want your children to experience the same pain you experienced from your parents. You want your kids to feel devastated so that you can validate your mental and emotional trauma. But that is not often the case. Sometimes, instead of intentionally hurting your children, you tend to act the other way. You have this urge never to allow your kids to experience any abuse you have experienced during your younger days. You become overprotective that you carry it out to an obsession. That links to stalking and getting abnormally involved in your kids’ lives, which often leads to a significant lack of trust. Sometimes, it also ends up impossible and unresolved hate between you and your children.
The Lack Of Being In Control
Experiencing a lack of control when it comes to life decisions often leads to your mental and emotional breakdown. Though many people do not often see it that way, the experience from childhood can make you feel helpless and depressed. In some cases, it makes you turn to power. That explains your eagerness to control things whenever you can because you cannot do that when you were a kid. It was a psychological cycle that pretty much impossible to break. Maybe because that is a solitary way to can make you feel normal, you think that for you to be able to function differently, you need to become the abuser. And the only possible victims that can consider and think differently of that dysfunctional behavior are your children. You are confident to use your “parent” card because you know your kids will somehow understand. That being said, you feel safe in controlling your kids because your actions are justified.
Receiving Harsh Reactions As A Kid
The idea of openly telling yourself that your experience as a child is different from your kids is well-accepted. Of course, things back then were different, and your kids probably understand how complicated it was for you to deal with things manually. Thus, if you experience harsh reactions from your parents’ way before, it could impact your parenting. But the good thing is, you have two options. You either follow your parents’ style of harsh parenting, or you don’t. But when you see yourself shutting down your kids’ emotions, such as telling them that they should not be upset for little reasons, it is a sign that you are doing what your parents did to you. Thus, the tendency of sharing the same reaction as your parents will become your involuntary trait when handling your kids.
Apparently, the result of most childhood experiences runs in a loop. It is where you experience something good and bad in life that you somehow feel the need to repeat the cycle. However, it is a dangerous mental integration because not all childhood experiences are helpful in adulthood, especially in abuse and maltreatment cases. However, as mentioned earlier, two things can still happen. It is either you allow the repetition of bad childhood experience to your kids, or you choose better and aspire to become a better parent. If in case you prefer the latter, always remember not to overdo it. Try to become a better parent with compassion and selfless love.