I Am Separated From My Husband
I understand that “One of the things divorced partners frequently fail to recognize is the importance of the other parent in the kid’s life.” Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC said. separated for almost two years. The kids are with me, and he is supportive to an extent. There is nothing wrong to say about him because we parted ways amicably. I had to work part-time though after we separated to have my income. Times are different, and while I miss my old life, this new life is giving me hope.
When we were together, he took care of everything. I was in charge of the kids and the house, while he would take care of the bills. He still sends me some money, and of course support for our two kids, but it’s different now. I am almost divorced and single with two six-year-olds, while he has a new girlfriend who is ten years younger than us.
I Just Couldn’t Forgive Him
In all honesty, I don’t mind. I was the one who filed for divorce. We married early; I think we were only 18 at that time because we had Nina. Oh, Nina. My little girl, Nina. She was 22 when the accident happened. I blamed my husband for it that’s why we’re separated. He’s been consistently telling me that we’re soul mates and that God had a reason as to why this happened. My ex-hubby fell asleep at the wheel and crashed to a post which rendered my Nina dead on the spot. She was in the passenger’s seat.
I think I gave him a tough time after that and I may have been irrational. Looking outside box, I mean, who wouldn’t be in a crazy state? Your daughter is dead by the hand of your husband. It was an accident, yes, I know that, and my mother has said that to me a million times. But still, how can one heal from that loss? I will never see her again, and every time I am with my husband, it reminds me of what I lost – my daughter.
One day, I got a call from him, and he asked to meet at a quaint café nearby. I knew the reason for this meeting. He was getting serious with the “teenager,” and that they’d get married soon. This meeting was to tell me about it – oh, I know him so well.
I decided to be there early, and when I arrived, he was already there. He had a bunch of pink and purples tulips, my favorite, and I was pretty sure that he was nervous. It’s been a long time since I saw him face to face as we corresponded through calls and private messaging only. When he had visitations, he would get the kids from school on Fridays, and I’d have them back on Mondays. I pick them up in school. The last time I saw him was more than six months, and now, there’s a flutter.
My walk towards him was like slow motion. I knew he would move on and start again without me. This is what I wanted, right? Donna M. White, LMHC, CACP once said, “All marriages are not salvageable. In the process of marriage counseling, some couples may discover it is healthier for them to be apart.” That is why I filed for divorce and now, why are my insides all juggling?
When he saw me, he flashed his handsome smile, that same smile that made me fall in love with him 25 years ago. It was weird, but I felt giddy. He stood up and acted as if he wanted to kiss me on the cheek, but then I hugged him in a “non-personal” way. We sat down as he guided his hand on my arm. There were goosebumps, but I said to myself that I shouldn’t be feeling this way because we are almost divorced. I asked for this, and I wanted this. Plus, he seems serious with his girlfriend now. I can’t mess that up. He gave me the tulips, and I said thanks.
We ordered food, and I started the conversation. I wanted to be done with it because my eyes were giving me away. I was close to crying, and I didn’t want him to know that I was hurt. So I said that it’s okay, he can marry his girlfriend, and we’re good. I told him that there’s nothing to worry about from my end.
He was wide-eyed, and he smiled again. My ex slowly moved his right hand to my left and held it. His words were like magic: Don’t push me away. Let’s start over, and maybe you’ll learn to forgive me for the death of our daughter. I tried to move on, but I can’t. You’re my soul mate and my only love. It has always been you, and only you.
No Promises, Just Starting Over
I made no promises then, but I agreed to the Discernment Counseling he asked of me. After that, I asked the courts to dismiss the divorce that I filed, and it was approved. We both agreed to go to Marital Counseling. Right now, we are rebuilding and in the getting-to-know-each-other-again phase. Heather Edwards LMHC, NCC, BCC says, “Give yourself time to heal. We can be harder on ourselves than on any other person. Realize that fully overcoming the issues you had to face during your relationship may take time, and that’s OKAY.” So we are trying to make it work. I think Nina had a hand in this.